Eat me plz

I am lying on the floor. I woke up like this some time ago but I can't remember when or even how I winded up here. It's also getting cold because there is no fire burning in the fireplace. When I exhale I can see my breath, like smoke slowly rising to the ceiling. Inhale cold air, exhale old air. The freezing atmosphere is crawling over my skin. I should really get up and start a fire, but I just can't seem to move. My entire body feels like it is a thousand miles away and I am completely numb.

The last thing I can remember is that there was a dog barking. I was standing in the kitchen making dinner and waiting for my husband to come home. Suddenly the neighbour's dog started to bark and I became startled. Because of that I accidentally dropped the glass I was holding, and it was scattered in a million pieces. In my memory there is nothing before or after that.

Still lying on the cold living room floor, I now notice that there are bruises on my arms, old ones starting to fade, but also new ones increasing. There is also blood on my white dress. Not much, but still it is blood. It looks almost like small rose petals.In my memory there is nothing before or after that.

Maybe I should be concerned now. Like waking up on the floor in your house, cold and empty, with no idea why, is not bad enough? Bruises and blood are certainly not good signs but I just can't remember. It is like my memory is a gigantic dark room. There are no windows, just a few lamps that light up small parts of it. I can see the glass lying on the floor, and hear the dog bark but the rest is pitch black and dead silent.

I am trying to get up but my head is dizzy. When I can finally stand up, I stumble to the leather armchair in the corner of the room. The leather feels icy and harder than I can recall. I should probably call someone but I don't know who. Who do you call when you wake up on the floor bruised and covered in blood? There is most likely no category for that in the yellow pages. I look around the room but there are no signs of violence. Therefore no matter what happened did not happen in here.

 

I walk across the room towards the big mirror by the front door. The woman looking back at me looks fatigued and anxious. The hair is filthy and there is plenty of blood on the left side of the head. I touch the place with my fingers and feel a wound. So the blood on my dress is mine.

After looking at myself for a long time I walk away from the mirror. I just can not stand to see myself like this and not even know what happened. I got to the bathroom and cover up the bathroom mirror with a towel. Turn on the shower and wait until the water is so hot that it will scald me. When I get in, it feels like I get third degree burns all over my body, but I don't care. The only thing on my mind is to wash away the dirt, the blood and the frozen temperature from deep within me. Standing there, I hope I will remember something but time passes and I still can not retrieve the memories.

Just like the memories refuse to come back the house is still cold, so I toss some birch wood into the fireplace. I can't recall where I placed the matches, but they are almost certainly in the kitchen, which is where we usually keep that sort of things.

 

I stand in the doorway to the kitchen on my way to fetch the matches and all I see is blood and scattered glass everywhere. There is also something else behind the counter. Slowly I walk towards it to look what it is. On the floor at the back of it lies my husband with a knife through his heart.

My heart starts to pound when it hits me with a bang. It all comes back; the commotion, screaming and he hitting me in the head with the frying pan just because I broke the glass, the glass that wasn't even that expensive. So, to put and end to it, just to make it stop once and for all I took a knife and plunged it deep into his heart. There was only one thought on my mind at the moment, which kept repeating itself.